Photography | Chua Lee Photography

As a stationery designer, I’m asked frequently by clients how to handle certain etiquette situations — which rules to keep, and which to break. I’m here to help answer common questions about what rules you should hold and which ones you can toss!

The type of event must first be considered, as well as what your families are like, and who you are as a couple… before determining what your do’s and don’t are. Is your wedding formal or informal, old-school or modern? Do you and your fiancé love traditions, or break away from the mold? The answers to these questions will set the tone for how you should handle your wedding invitations.

If the event is not only formal, but also traditional, as well as if you as a couple and your family are traditional, your invitation should generally follow formal etiquette rules.

• Include parent names on the invitation.
  Traditionally this is the bride’s parents only. However, some families choose to list the groom’s parent’s names even if they are not financially contributing to the wedding to honor the groom’s parents.
• Use middle names for the couple.
  Traditionally bride uses First and Middle name only (as her parent’s last name is at top, if parents are divorced/remarried then bride’s last name would be used). Groom would use “Mr.” then First Middle Last.
• Utilize a separate insert for anything not related to the ceremony itself.
  That means no website, no note about kids, etc. on the invitation itself. “Reception to follow” or “Reception to follow at Location” is acceptable. Traditionally, if ceremony and reception are taking place at different locations, a separate reception insert would be included for the reception, and a different insert for accommodations and/or misc. information.
• Use a mail-in RSVP.
  If you’re traditional and having a formal event that means a physical RSVP. No online RSVPs! Online RSVPs are very informal and are not an appropriate reflection of a formal event.
• Indicate attire.
  Traditionally this goes on the invitation itself, but you can also put it on a details insert.
• Opt for inner and outer envelopes.
  The outer envelope has formal titles & addressing. The inner envelope uses first names only, and is also where you can indicate if children and/or guests are invited.
• Limit the color palette.
  Traditional wedding invitations typically only utilize one or two colors (even if you have multiple colors in your wedding).
• Go for a traditional, readable script. This could be entirely script or it can be paired it with a traditional non-script body font if you don’t love the all-script look.
  A casual script can work against your formal vibe — keep it formal here.
• Use formal RSVP wording
  For example: Accepts/Declines, or Accepts with Pleasure/Declines with Regret.

• List registry information.
  This is considered faux pas for a formal traditional event. If guests would like to get you a gift, they will visit your website from your save the date or request this information.
• Use informal addressing styles.
  Use Mr., Mrs., Ms. Dr. Use full names, no first names only, no nicknames.

If the event is formal, but you and your family lean modern, your invitation should fall somewhere in the middle on which rules you keep and which you can disregard.

• Pick the wording style that fit you. List parent names on the invitation — or not. Also acceptable is “Together with their parents/families”.
  Wording is usually based on who is hosting (paying for the wedding). When this is shared, a general statement is often preferred.
• Use first and last names or first, middle and last names if you want to go a little more formal and/or traditional
  It’s up to you! Either is still formal.
• Utilize a separate insert for anything not related to the ceremony itself.
  That means no website, no note about kids, etc. on the invitation itself. “Reception to follow” or “Reception to follow at Location” is acceptable. Most commonly reception, accommodations, website, etc. is combined onto a single details insert.
• Use a mail-in RSVP.
  If you’re having a formal event that means a physical RSVP. No online RSVPs! Online RSVPs are very informal. However, some modern-leaning clients will break this rule if they’re not overly traditional.
• Consider calligraphy style, or a non-traditional, yet formal script. You can also pair it with a non-script body font to give it that more formal feel.
  This is your opportunity to show it’s a formal event, but with a modern twist!

• Forget the attire.
  Make sure to instruct guest on what to wear — garden, cocktail, semi-formal, formal, black tie optional or optional.
• Use informal addressing styles — this is a formal event!
  Use Mr., Mrs., Ms. Dr. Use full names, no first names only or nicknames here.
• Be afraid to interject color into your invitation suite.
  Your wedding invitation can still look & feel formal without being all one-color. Consider a limited palette (2-4 colors) vs your entire color palette be represented in your stationery.

If the event is casual, your invitation can (almost) toss the rule book out.

• Feel free to use “Together with their parents/families” if multiple people are hosting the event.
  Wording is usually based on who is hosting (paying for the wedding). When this is shared, a general statement on who is hosting is often preferred.
• Use first names only (if you want).
  It’s fine to only use first names for a casual event.
• Decide if multiple inserts are needed.
  Just an RSVP may do the trick, or just a details insert. It’s still recommended not to put information that does not apply to the ceremony (such as your website) on the invitation itself — mostly due to overcrowding the invitation.
• Use an RSVP option that makes sense — Mail-Style, Postcard or Online RSVP
  We like not only the look, but also the air of special-ness a physical RSVP lends to an event. But if you’re hosting a casual event, you can opt for a postcard or online RSVP instead. A separate RSVP insert or details insert with RSVP information both work well.
• Go for a playful/modern font(s) if you like.
  Your invitation can really interject your personality and play into the informal event you’re having.

• Worry about attire.
  It’s a casual event, noting attire isn’t necessary.
• Use formal addressing styles (unless you really want to).
  Feel free to use first names only, first & last without titles, nicknames or “+” between names instead of “and”.
• Be afraid of color.
  Colored envelopes? Go for it! Multi-colored envelope liner? Do it! This isn’t a formal event, you can do what you like!
• Shy away from playful wording.
  For example: Can't Wait/Can't Come or Will Be There/Will Toast from Afar

Photography | Kelsey LaNae Photography

Save the dates can technically be sent out anytime after your venue and wedding date is secured. It comes down to your preference, where your potential guests are coming from and if you're getting married closed to a holiday, on when may be best to send them out. For example, are a large portion of your guests traveling in for the wedding and staying overnight or is your wedding a destination wedding? In these cases, you might want to send these out closer to a year in advance.

If you decide to go the with a fully custom designed stationery, give yourself lots of time to choose your stationery designer, because custom, hand-made wedding invitations and the process involved is much longer than choosing a ready-to-print template online. A stationer will also be able to help answer any questions about timeline, wording and ideas to keep your aesthetic desires and stick to your budget.

If most of your guests are local, mail your invitations 8 weeks before the wedding. If about half are local and half are traveling in, mail your invitations 10 weeks before the wedding. If most of your guests are traveling, mail your invitations 12 weeks before the wedding. If you're getting married very close to a holiday or the it's a destination wedding, mail your invitations 12-16 weeks before the wedding.

On your RSVP, provide a date that your guests must RSVP by. Typically this is 2-3 weeks to a month before the big day, but your venue or caterer will have a date that they will request your final headcount by. Make sure to read over contracts with these vendors before you set the RSVP deadline date. If you're also having a stationer create your place cards or seating chart, they'll need to have a final guest list from you at that time as well.

Photography | Chua Lee Photography

The most common error I see engaged couples make is ordering the wrong quantity of save the dates or invitations. Let's say you're inviting 200 guests. That means you need 200 chairs, 200 place settings, 200 favors... and 200 invitations, right? Wrong! Though you need one for each guest for most categories, you only need one invitation per household. That means that a married couple with three children (5 guests), only needs one invitation to invite the whole family. Out of 200 people, the majority are most likely paired up, so therefore I typically see a guest count of 200 people needing roughly 125-135 invitations. 

I recommend are bare minimum of five extra invitations, but it's much safer to order 10-15 extras. Why so many you ask? Mother-in-laws to be are notorious for adding another three, twelve or twenty-seven addresses on. Avoid this, by being up front with the other side of the family to-be and ask all addresses be submitted by a certain date. All jokes aside though, most couples will have some last minute additions. The next reason is that the postal service is not infallible — they make errors, mail gets lost... or destroyed. If a guest doesn't get their invitation (and why is it always the VIP guests this happens to... ahem, Grandma). With extras on hand, you have a backup to make sure they aren't accidentally neglected. Lastly, we recommend taking at least two invitations on wedding day with you to be photographed that have not been through the postal service. Why two? Wedding invitation suites often have multiple components that cannot be seen simultaneously. For example, you purchased beautiful vintage stamps, but you also invested in a gorgeous water color wedding venue illustration. How can you show the inside of the envelope with the envelope liner and the outside with your pretty stamps in the same shot? You can't... unless you bring two copies! We also often have guests save copies for keepsakes or to put in light boxes. If all this doesn't convince you, maybe the pocket book will. Ordering a handful of invitations after-the-fact is expensive. Printing minimums and paper and/or envelope minimums must be met when going back to re-order. So even though you only need three, you'll have to pay for 25-50 in printing and materials just to get those three you need. All-in-all it's better to have a few extras initially than have to order a lot extra later at a higher price tag.

The most common error I see engaged couples make is ordering the wrong quantity of save the dates or invitations. Let's say you're inviting 200 guests. That means you need 200 chairs, 200 place settings, 200 favors... and 200 invitations, right? Wrong! Though you need one for each guest for most categories, you only need one invitation per household. That means that a married couple with three children (5 guests), only needs one invitation to invite the whole family. Out of 200 people, the majority are most likely paired up, so therefore I typically see a guest count of 200 people needing roughly 125-135 invitations.