Invitation Do's and Don'ts

Photography | Chua Lee Photography

As a stationery designer, I’m asked frequently by clients how to handle certain etiquette situations — which rules to keep, and which to break. I’m here to help answer common questions about what rules you should hold and which ones you can toss!

The type of event must first be considered, as well as what your families are like, and who you are as a couple… before determining what your do’s and don’t are. Is your wedding formal or informal, old-school or modern? Do you and your fiancé love traditions, or break away from the mold? The answers to these questions will set the tone for how you should handle your wedding invitations.

If the event is not only formal, but also traditional, as well as if you as a couple and your family are traditional, your invitation should generally follow formal etiquette rules.

• Include parent names on the invitation.
  Traditionally this is the bride’s parents only. However, some families choose to list the groom’s parent’s names even if they are not financially contributing to the wedding to honor the groom’s parents.
• Use middle names for the couple.
  Traditionally bride uses First and Middle name only (as her parent’s last name is at top, if parents are divorced/remarried then bride’s last name would be used). Groom would use “Mr.” then First Middle Last.
• Utilize a separate insert for anything not related to the ceremony itself.
  That means no website, no note about kids, etc. on the invitation itself. “Reception to follow” or “Reception to follow at Location” is acceptable. Traditionally, if ceremony and reception are taking place at different locations, a separate reception insert would be included for the reception, and a different insert for accommodations and/or misc. information.
• Use a mail-in RSVP.
  If you’re traditional and having a formal event that means a physical RSVP. No online RSVPs! Online RSVPs are very informal and are not an appropriate reflection of a formal event.
• Indicate attire.
  Traditionally this goes on the invitation itself, but you can also put it on a details insert.
• Opt for inner and outer envelopes.
  The outer envelope has formal titles & addressing. The inner envelope uses first names only, and is also where you can indicate if children and/or guests are invited.
• Limit the color palette.
  Traditional wedding invitations typically only utilize one or two colors (even if you have multiple colors in your wedding).
• Go for a traditional, readable script. This could be entirely script or it can be paired it with a traditional non-script body font if you don’t love the all-script look.
  A casual script can work against your formal vibe — keep it formal here.
• Use formal RSVP wording
  For example: Accepts/Declines, or Accepts with Pleasure/Declines with Regret.

• List registry information.
  This is considered faux pas for a formal traditional event. If guests would like to get you a gift, they will visit your website from your save the date or request this information.
• Use informal addressing styles.
  Use Mr., Mrs., Ms. Dr. Use full names, no first names only, no nicknames.

If the event is formal, but you and your family lean modern, your invitation should fall somewhere in the middle on which rules you keep and which you can disregard.

• Pick the wording style that fit you. List parent names on the invitation — or not. Also acceptable is “Together with their parents/families”.
  Wording is usually based on who is hosting (paying for the wedding). When this is shared, a general statement is often preferred.
• Use first and last names or first, middle and last names if you want to go a little more formal and/or traditional
  It’s up to you! Either is still formal.
• Utilize a separate insert for anything not related to the ceremony itself.
  That means no website, no note about kids, etc. on the invitation itself. “Reception to follow” or “Reception to follow at Location” is acceptable. Most commonly reception, accommodations, website, etc. is combined onto a single details insert.
• Use a mail-in RSVP.
  If you’re having a formal event that means a physical RSVP. No online RSVPs! Online RSVPs are very informal. However, some modern-leaning clients will break this rule if they’re not overly traditional.
• Consider calligraphy style, or a non-traditional, yet formal script. You can also pair it with a non-script body font to give it that more formal feel.
  This is your opportunity to show it’s a formal event, but with a modern twist!

• Forget the attire.
  Make sure to instruct guest on what to wear — garden, cocktail, semi-formal, formal, black tie optional or optional.
• Use informal addressing styles — this is a formal event!
  Use Mr., Mrs., Ms. Dr. Use full names, no first names only or nicknames here.
• Be afraid to interject color into your invitation suite.
  Your wedding invitation can still look & feel formal without being all one-color. Consider a limited palette (2-4 colors) vs your entire color palette be represented in your stationery.

If the event is casual, your invitation can (almost) toss the rule book out.

• Feel free to use “Together with their parents/families” if multiple people are hosting the event.
  Wording is usually based on who is hosting (paying for the wedding). When this is shared, a general statement on who is hosting is often preferred.
• Use first names only (if you want).
  It’s fine to only use first names for a casual event.
• Decide if multiple inserts are needed.
  Just an RSVP may do the trick, or just a details insert. It’s still recommended not to put information that does not apply to the ceremony (such as your website) on the invitation itself — mostly due to overcrowding the invitation.
• Use an RSVP option that makes sense — Mail-Style, Postcard or Online RSVP
  We like not only the look, but also the air of special-ness a physical RSVP lends to an event. But if you’re hosting a casual event, you can opt for a postcard or online RSVP instead. A separate RSVP insert or details insert with RSVP information both work well.
• Go for a playful/modern font(s) if you like.
  Your invitation can really interject your personality and play into the informal event you’re having.

• Worry about attire.
  It’s a casual event, noting attire isn’t necessary.
• Use formal addressing styles (unless you really want to).
  Feel free to use first names only, first & last without titles, nicknames or “+” between names instead of “and”.
• Be afraid of color.
  Colored envelopes? Go for it! Multi-colored envelope liner? Do it! This isn’t a formal event, you can do what you like!
• Shy away from playful wording.
  For example: Can't Wait/Can't Come or Will Be There/Will Toast from Afar